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Shire Network News is steadfastly refusing to lie down and die! To prove it, here's another show...this time hosted from within the darkest bowels of the Great Satan itself - the United States of America.

Normal host Murray in New Zealand (and we use the word "normal" in its loosest possible sense) is facing a few health challenges and can't host for a while, so for various reasons which escape us at the moment (I seem to recall there was some sort of tax angle...) we have decided to come to you from the belly of the capitalist beast itself, the sinister global hegemon behind expansionist Zionism, rampant consumption of the world's resources and the global threat posed by the continued existence of Carlos Mencia.

I refer of course to Atlanta, Georgia, and our very own Doug Payton. He's a church-going Christian who supports the constitution, so the mainstream media would like you to smile, nod, avoid making eye contact or engaging in any sudden movements which might spook him, and contact a SWAT team immediately - taking people like that down is highly dangerous folks, best leave it to the professionals.

Australia's own "Tom Paine" explains to us why some things just aren't as easy to joke about as they once were, driving him to seek relief in either the demon alcohol or the writing of epic space opera novels. Don't do it Tom! It's to dangerous! Try bourbon instead! Look what happened to Isaac Asimov and Robert A. Heinlein! They both got very rich and famous! So you ought to...hang on, what was our point again? That actually sounds pretty good.

In Blog News, will someone for gods sake give Barney Frank a dollar already, he's embarrassing himself. And Congress. If that's even possible these days.

NASA's job is to make Muslims feel good about themselves. Apparently. Who knew? And here was us foolishly clinging to the antediluvian notion that it had something to do with space exploration!

It's good to see organizations fighting the rising tide of obscenity. Why, just the other day one well-known outfit made sure to do its bit to get rid of the "C" word. Yup, from now on the YMCA is going to call itself just "The Y" Why? Apparently "Christian" is just plain embarrassing.  

In our bulging "Fatwa of the Week" section, Molly Norris drew a picture of a teacup and now she has a fatwa. What, are they delivering Islamic death sentences free with every box of Cheerios these days? She called the teacup Mohamad. Oh well, there you go, that explains it. Called a teacup "Mohammad". Death, next case please. 

President Obama has finally lowered the boom on Al Qaeda. He's gone medieval on their ass. He's had enough and he doesn't care who knows it. He has characterised them as...what? Mass murderers? Bombers of girls schools? Insane religious cultists who worship death and mock the concept of a loving and merciful god by their mere existence? Nope. Worse. MUCH worse. He says they are...you already know what's coming, don't you? Racists. Hey, Al Sharpton, Charlie Rangel, Jesse Jackson! the boss says you should head off to the Af-Pak border to see this Osama Bin Laden guy, shake him down for some donations or we'll call him a racist again., Hey, it works with major US companies, right?

And finally in "Consider This", Doug Payton discusses the Worst Place In The World, the lowest pit of torment. pain and degradation that has ever existed, a permanent stain on the conscience of America, a flicker of hell at the tip of Cuba known as "Guantanamo Bay". Which is so terrible, so sickeningly awful a place, so bowel-liquifyingly hideous that some of the poor innocents locked up there for no reason whatsoever...er...want to stay there rather than go home. Wait, what? Yup, six Algerians. Turns out Gitmo is some sort of Club Med compared to Algeria. Frankly, we see their point. Coming up next week, tourist brochures for bus tours of the Land of Mordor sell out in Syria, Yemen, Libya and parts of the South Bronx.

Think you could be both funny and topical? Funnier than us, we mean? Yeah, you probably could be, you'll get no argument here. Why not put it to the test. Have you got what it takes to join the fast-paced world of international political humour podcasting? Impress attractive members of the opposite sex! Win exciting cash prizes! Influence global opinion leaders! We can guaruntee that absolutely none of these things will happen if you send your auditions to  This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it  And if yo'reu an eccentric and somewhat irresponsible conservative rich person, please send us money. The Left told us conservatives are all evil rich white dudes who pay people to pretend to support their policies. So, uh, when do our cheques from the National Association of Fat Cat Billionaires arrive? Hello? Is this thing on? Man, that's the last time we believe anything the Left tell us.

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